why do we hold onto things that hurt us

Ignorance at its finest. But, some people enjoy weeds, aka wild flowers. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? It’s a way of connecting to the environment and others. He’s busy. For all the friends out there, even if you don’t agree, just be with them for every upsetting phone call and annoyed text. Pain brings me personal rewards. This time he’s in pre-law and I’m a writer trying to figure out her calling. Pride-I can’t just be the person I am without pain. Would a man try to get a woman’s attention that he like? Embraces are as important to us … Why? Some individuals cannot distinguish whether a book or collection is clutter or a treasure. And, might I make a mistake? Holding on to things can be very dangerous and harmful. The envelope contained a promotional offer which she was not interested in, but the envelope dictated TO HER "Do Not Discard." Reorganize, and in turn, your mind will feel clearer. He was a guy that sucked at communicating, and I was the girl that needed it. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. “I’m just not a texter,” he’d say. They need to be reassured that they are adults, and it’s their stuff to do with as they like. I was lucky enough to have a best friend who stuck by me even when I chose to ignore all her warnings. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. Defining irrelevance is not cut and dry. His texts would go unanswered for hours; my obedience to go to him whenever he called began to wane. Closets, cabinets, files and drawers are filled with hope and future possibilities for many. Why People Still “Feel Sorry” for Only Children, Why Discussing Unpopular Views Is Intellectually Healthy, How to Make Political Discussions Less Contentious. Human beings are genetically programmed to desire love. I could only draw one conclusion: I had been treated like that so many times before, I expected it. We feel it and yet we hide it away, write it off as an odd case of commitment phobia or just a hiccup in our new relationship, oblivious to the fact that were heading into a future of sleepless nights, constant worrying, and consistent phone checking. I just wasn’t ready to admit the truth to myself. When We Hold onto Relationships That Hurt Us By Evie Drake “Relationships are like glass. ", I borrowed it, and don’t know if they want it back, Unable to bite off small pieces to downsize. Had I been nothing but a convenience for him the entire time? The future is a mystery to everyone. I had wanted a relationship to work out so bad that I had chosen to ignore all the warning signs that this one wasn’t right. He always had his phone, and yet my texts remained unanswered. This piece is by a new guest blogger, Marcia Sloman, who is a professional organizer in Westchester County, New York. Though I tried to explain to myself that I deserved so much better, I wasn’t willing to hear it. “Relationships are like glass. I couldn’t see that I was the only one putting in the effort. When I finally realized my mistake, she simply smiled and asked if I wanted to watch the newest horror movie. He was bound to a different city in the fall, and with his lack of communicating there was a deep nagging feeling that it was only a short time before I had my heart broken again. Many people simply don’t feel that they have the permission to get rid of things. My excuses remained the same. This was my grandfather’s standard response to the basic question of childhood, “Why, Grandpa?" I would prematurely forgive who hurt me if I let go of my pain. "What if I need it someday?" Friends like that are so important to have in your life. It distracts me from other pain, problems, and things. I made sure I was always there for him when he needed me, listened to him, even surprised him at work with coffee, putting myself out there, hoping that he would one day reciprocate. The problem is that holding on to something or someone, and think of it as a necessity, can have bad consequences. I will pass on to my clients. I can only say that when another man comes around I’ll be taking it slow. So, you don’t believe that there are people who could think that way? Clear your mind and then reorganize. "I may lose the weight, and get back to that size." He only wanted to hang out on occasional evenings, routinely made plans without following through on them, was never where he said he was, yet still referred to me as his girlfriend when we met someone he knew. I made a list of things I had always wanted to do and did them. Many people simply don’t feel that they have the permission to get rid of things. Micromanipulations: A Narcissist's Method of Control, A New Way to Understand Your Psychological Defenses, Kamala Harris Was Single Until She Was 50 Years Old, Women’s Experiences with Multiple Orgasms Are Highly Diverse, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, COVID-19 and the Socioeconomic Future of Youth, During the Lockdown Certain Dog Breeds Have Gotten Plump, www.divorcesourceradio.com/category/audio-podcast/the-intelligent-divorce. The pain helps me avoid unpleasant situations. You might think of clutter as you might consider a weed in the garden. Even when every hidden fiber within us tells us to walk away, we stay. too. Mark Banschick, M.D., is a psychiatrist and the author of The Intelligent Divorce book series. You’ll feel it. "What if I gain weight again, and need the larger sizes?" Disability Language: How Much Does It Matter? When it comes to human behavior, it almost always is. I recently experienced something similar. Coming from a hopeless romantic who prefers books and writing to real people, this was hard to admit. As the time passed, I would like to think, he became the one that needed me; he had just realized it too late. I questioned whether or not he had treated me that way because he knew I would always be there for him; then, when I no longer was, he wanted that same caring person back. What if I’m whole and still not good enough? My interpretation of that expression is that the answer is complicated. No situations are alike. If I let go of my pain something bad will happen. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. “I’m the one who was hurt.”. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. It keeps me from dealing with issues or people - It simplifies life. 5 Recommendations for Giving Thanks During a Pandemic, 3 Models Underlying Assumptions About Disability.

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